The Chicken Whisperer

April 29, 2012 by The Minnesota Farm Woman

Before I started raising chickens, I had big plans. Big plans for a refrigerator overflowing with eggs and a freezer full of meat. Big plans for plump hens sitting on nests and peeping little yellow chicks every spring. While I was busy counting my chickens before they hatched, the hens had other plans. I think they recognized a sucker when they saw one. I broke the first cardinal rule of a real Farm Woman: Don’t name any chickens you plan to eat unless you call them “Fricassee”, “Parmigiano”, or “Drumstick”. I have named mine after divas and Golden Girls, and they come when I call them. They look so cute running across the yard that I can’t imagine putting one on the chopping block much less eating one. The second problem I have is that I seem to be running the local nursing home for elderly chickens. Many of my hens are four years old, at least. A chicken’s egg production drops after the first couple of years, so many of these “golden girls” give me only an occasional egg. I give them good food, plenty of roughage, and popcorn on Saturday nights, so I think they plan on sticking around to see if I’m going to show a movie in the lounge. These old gals would be WAY too tough to eat anyhow, so why bother? The last problem I have in the coop is with a lack of broodiness. A broody hen is one that wants to sit on a nest of eggs to get them to hatch. That has happened only once around here, and that was three years ago. I have tried leaving eggs in the nest, hoping SOMEONE would get the hint, but I had to throw them away. I have tried putting a fake plastic egg in a secluded nest but they didn’t fall for that, either. I think the only dumb cluck around here is wearing dirty coop shoes and calls herself a Farm Woman. My neighbor, thinking that perhaps my small banty roosters weren’t getting the job done and THAT was the problem, gave me a large rooster about a year ago. Nope. No broodiness. No fluffy baby chicks peeping out from under Mama’s wings. It’s a good thing there are farm stores around. I love to check out the baby chicks whenever they have them. I bought six of various colors and breeds on Saturday, just for a start. In case you hadn’t noticed or were too polite to say it out loud, I have a slight chicken hoarding problem. I also placed an order with a local farmer for some farm-raised chicken. These chickens will be unnamed and frozen. Don’t tell the girls, but there is almost nothing better than the taste of a farm-raised chicken for Sunday dinner.

Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

12 Responses

on April 29, 2012 at 5:59 pm | Reply Tommajean

My husband was toying with the idea of raising chickens. Like you, he would name them all, and he would never eat one. We were at the feed store before Easter and he watched a lady with a box of chicks and came out to the car and told me. I said okay… go back in and get fencing for the coop you will have to build, food, and whatever else they need, then we can stop at the lumber place and you can get the framing material and go home and get started. We went home without chicks.

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- on April 29, 2012 at 6:25 pm | Reply The Minnesota Farm Woman
  
  Luckily, I bought a place with a coop, and hired a neighborhood kid to build the run. My husband said they were “all mine”. you’ll enjoy them when you get them! Thanks for reading!
  Chris
  
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on April 30, 2012 at 5:59 am | Reply Nan

LOL, I would never be able to eat anything I’ve named. You’ve got a great heart and lots of chicky friends. Thanks for the smiles.

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- on April 30, 2012 at 5:09 pm | Reply The Minnesota Farm Woman
  
  Thank you!
  Chris
  
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on April 30, 2012 at 5:59 am | Reply pixilated2

I understand. And around here Matilda, Essie, Dixie Chick, Martha, Bertha, The Little Red Hens and the Hister-Sisters (my geese) are all grateful, to have a name. The chickens are at the two year mark and I am feeling your pain…
~ Lynda
Hahahahaaaa! I just read your comment about your husband. Strangely, that is EXACTLY what my husband said. 😉

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- on April 30, 2012 at 5:09 pm | Reply The Minnesota Farm Woman
  
  The men might have their own secret FB society: HOACH (Husband of another chicken hoarder)!
  
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on April 30, 2012 at 6:30 am | Reply winebeforefive

Oh, Chris! Thanks for starting off my Monday morning with just what I needed — a good smile. 🙂 I love, love, love your posts. I would name the chickens, too – if I could convince Wilt they were a good idea. Building a coop is way beyond his fondest dreams. And just having two dogs is more than enough “farm life” for him. I love I would want to have roosters, too, to name Gibbs, and Sheldon. 🙂 Do you have all of the Golden Girls? Love, Emma Ann

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- on April 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm | Reply The Minnesota Farm Woman
  
  I had all the Golden Girls, but Sylvia died. :o(. Last year’s group are named after singers: June Carter Cash, Bette Midler, Maybelle Carter, and Phoebe Snow. Thanks for your kind comments. By the way….my husband doesn’t care for them, so the care is all mine…. Chris
  
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on May 2, 2012 at 7:10 am | Reply justjules78

Ha ha! Yes, I totally understand. As you may know from my aunt that we have issues with naming our cattle (Big Mac, etc.) on our beef farm that they took over after my grandpa passed. I know my uncle always has a hard time when it comes to butchering season as he has assisted in their births and even bottle fed some of these cows when they were babies. I swear growing up on a farm is full of some hard lessons- but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

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- on May 2, 2012 at 8:34 pm | Reply The Minnesota Farm Woman
  
  Yes! My husband mentioned getting a cow for beef and I said “No!!!”. Thanks for reading and commenting.
  Chris
  
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on May 5, 2012 at 9:10 am | Reply Julie

What a wonderful post! I named my chickens too… and do not plan on eating them. I worry that I soon won’t even be able to eat chickens I don’t know. That said, I’m making fried chicken for supper tonight, using anonymous chickens, of course!

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- on May 6, 2012 at 8:14 am | Reply The Minnesota Farm Woman
  
  I’m glad to know there are other “chicken hearted” sould like me. Thanks for reading and commenting! Chris
  
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