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Archive for March, 2016

Lady and the Trump

Oh, political candidates, How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away? This year has been the worst year ever with all the arguing, name-calling, and attempts to shame each other. I have always been Stuck in the Middle With You, meaning that I lean a little to the right of the left and a little to the left of the right. Call me Crazy, but I have, in my lifetime, voted for both the blue and the red. This year, I Can’t Make Up My Mind. I’m between The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. I know it seems like The Impossible Dream in America, but I am Wishin’ and Hopin’ that the politicians will soon stop all their Yakety Yak. I know I’m not All By Myself in thinking that There’s a Screw Loose Somewhere. Enough is Enough, politicians! Frankly, I don’t trust any of you. You might think that Yonder Comes a Sucker, but here in America the Beautiful, our Big Ol’ Goofy World, we know it is all about the Money when it comes to politics. It is Money for Nothing, though, unless all of you stop acting like The Neighborhood Bully and Give Peace a Chance. Not only peace for one another, but Let There Be Peace On Earth, too. If you worked as hard at that as you do digging up dirt on each other, there would be no more War. If life were Magic, and If I Only Had a Brain, I would give each of you A Spoonful of Sugar to sweeten you up, wave my wand, and shout Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo as we near The Final Countdown. To hear The Sounds of Silence at last would make me The Happiest Girl in the Whole USA. Just Imagine the peace and quiet in that wonderful place Over the Rainbow. Hallelujah! God Bless America! Forever and Ever, Amen.

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I often think that there can’t possibly be a person in this world who anticipates the coming spring more than I do. Even more than the spring peepers peeping and the marsh marigolds poking through the ground in the wetlands, there are baby chicks to nurture. Last year, due to construction in the brooder area, aka my laundry room, I couldn’t buy my usual handful of the cute little things. One of the mama hens thankfully hatched out two chicks, which even more thankfully were girls. Roosters tend to fight, and since I hate fights and drama, try to keep only one rooster. Sadly, my big roo passed away just before the winter snows arrived. As the days get longer, some of the hens get broody, which means they want to sit on a nest and raise some babies. Most of the broodies grudgingly allow me to reach underneath and collect the eggs each afternoon, but they sneakily change their laying spots frequently, hoping that the mean old Farm Woman won’t find their potential babies. Their latest hiding place is a well-hidden spot behind and between some stored straw bales. To collect these eggs, I had to kneel on the dirt floor (which is covered in chicken poo, I might add) and lean on a precarious bale (probably full of hidden mice and Lord-knows-what-else) to get to them. There is one hen in particular who pitches a hissy fit whenever I come near, squawking and pecking at me. She was determined to sit, puffing herself up at the opening of the nesting box like a palace guard, determined to protect those eggs. The nesting box, in my humble opinion, is too high off the ground and baby chicks, if she manages to hatch any, could fall out and conk their little heads or freeze to death. I decided to go ahead and let the mama sit, even though it was a little too early. She could keep the babies warm and I could move her and the eggs to a safer spot. I prepared an area with fresh straw and with my arms and hands protected, reached into the nesting box to gently lift the mama out. She screeched. She hollered. She held on to the edge of the box with her talons. I finally managed to get her out of the box and tucked under one arm so I could the other hand to get the eggs. There were three. I carefully moved them, then placed the mama on them. She screeched some more, but I left her to rediscover her nest. This has worked before, so I hoped it would work again. The next day, I found the nest abandoned and the eggs cold. Sadly, I threw them into the swamp, blaming myself for the poor, dead, yet-to-be-hatched chicks. As I tossed the last one, I started to laugh. No, I was not hysterical, but laughing because I remembered that the rooster died. Not that a dead rooster is a laughing matter, but without one, there can’t be any baby chicks. It’s a matter of simple biology. I would have slapped myself upside the head had I not been wearing my dirty coop gloves. I apparently don’t know much about biology. What I do know is that it has been a long, long winter. Once the snow has melted and the peepers peep, the marsh marigolds bloom, and the baby chicks arrive, what a wonderful world this will be.

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Parked

Politics ain’t worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.

~Will Rogers

I am happily ensconced in the country life of our little farm in Bowstring, Minnesota (population 235). I suspect the census-taker may have counted a few chickens to get to a number that high. Last week, I travelled to the big city of Duluth (population 86,238 without counting any chickens)for an appointment. I always enjoy taking friends along with me for the ride, both for the good company and because I usually can’t find my way out of a wet paper bag, even in a smallish city like Duluth. For this trip, I had to find my way around the large medical center area which is surrounded by road construction and two new parking garages. My best friend went along with me, not so much because she wanted to, but because she was driving. We have been friends for 51 years, since I was in the first grade and she was in the second. A friendship of 51 years is kind of like a long marriage, except you get along better. I will readily admit that her sense of direction is better than mine, but only slightly. If we get a little bit lost on any of our excursions, we prefer to say we are “on another adventure” rather than “where in the HECK are we?”. She had already turned where I told her not to turn, but it was pure luck that the wrong turn wasn’t wrong after all and surprisingly (and luckily) took us right into the new parking structure, after a brief but confusing conversation of “Turn left right here” “HERE?” “Right.” “Turn right?” “No, LEFT!” “Left turn?” “Right.” That turn brought us smack-dab into Green Ramp Level P3. Personally, I think it would be much better if they used the Disney World method of cartoon characters instead of colors and numbers, because it is hard to remember things like Green Ramp Level P3. It would be much better to use, for example, signs printed with the pictures characters such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Sneezy Level could be for allergies, ears nose, and throat. Sleepy Level would be great for the Anesthesia and Surgical Services. Doc Level could be physicians’ parking area. Grumpy Level could fit any number of people. I personally know someone who could probably get a year’s worth of free Grumpy Level parking, but enough about HIM. I could drive up the Dopey Level Ramp and never forget where I parked. I took a picture of the Green Ramp Level P3 sign because I just knew I would never remember. All went well until we needed to get back to our car after the appointment, riding an elevator that opened on two separate wings and riding up and down until we remembered that we were on Green Ramp Level P3 and not Green Ramp Level P1. Of course, I had forgotten that I had taken a picture. Pretty dopey, I know. I was more than happy to be done with that ordeal and on to the real reason and Farm Woman leaves the country and goes to the city: Shopping and lunch.

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