Archive for December, 2013

Shoo shoes!

This is the time of year when we all want to give things a fresh start. The Christmas decorations are packed and put away until next year, new gifts are stowed, and old stuff is boxed up for donation or next summer’s garage sale. In our house, we seem to have a problem with the last part. All right, I’ll admit it. I am the one who has the problem getting rid of things. I have quite a collection of old junk antiques and collectibles mixed up with a lot of other things which are now taking up a large portion of the closets, so something has got to go. A lot of somethings have got to go, according to HIM, who sarcastically affectionately rolls his eyes and talks about a trip to the dump.  HE is just as bad as I am when it comes to collecting shoes. Not the vintage variety of shoes, although some of them are pretty old. I have dress shoes of several colors, some with heels and some without. Although I haven’t worn anything with heels in about five years I keep them around, just in case. I have tennis shoes for both work and home, and a pair of clogs for casual wear and one for the chicken coop Take it from someone with experience, it is not a good thing to mix the two of them up. I also have winter coop boots, shoe boots, and warmer boots for walking in deep snow. I prefer going barefoot in the house, but have at least three pairs of slippers just in case my feet get chilly. I won’t even count the miscellaneous shoes and sandals, because frankly, once I started writing this down, it was a little embarrassing. My side of the closet has at least ten pairs of shoes, his has two. Two very lonely pairs of dress shoes that are only worn to weddings and funerals. Now, before all of my male readers start nodding their heads and saying “See? I told you so! You women all have a thing about shoes!” I would urge all of you to check your closets, doorway areas, and garages. I’ll bet YOUR wife is tripping over them, too. In fact, I’ll bet you dollars to doughnuts that you’re not far behind her. HE has casual shoes, a good pair of tennis shoes and at least two pairs of green-tinged lawn mowing shoes, three pairs winter boots, and three pairs of slippers. Three because they were gifts that never seemed to fit quite right. I almost forgot his going-to-the-woodpile shoes, which I think are the same as his going-to-the-mailbox shoes, but maybe not. Did I leave any out? I’m not sure about anything except that some of the shoes have got to go, and soon. We’ll start with his. Mine? Why, I couldn’t possibly part with any of my shoes! What in the world was I thinking?

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The dieting dilemma

I’m on a diet again….or perhaps I should say “still”.  It seems like I’ve spent much of my adult life on one diet or another, but this time I should get a medal for bravery because I started it before instead of after the holiday season, just to shake things up a bit. Speaking of shake, there are plenty of diets to choose from, including drinking shakes instead of meals. If you like to chew your food, you can take an around the world dieting cruise, so to speak.  There’s the LA, the Scarsdale, the Beverly Hills, the Park Avenue, or the Martha’s Vineyard diets to choose from. You could even become a world traveler by following the African Mango, the Mediterranean, the Okinawa, or even the Shangra-La diet.  You could make a total lifestyle change, or follow the 3-Day, 4-Day, the 17-Day, or if you are in a hurry, the 3-Hour diet.  If you like certain foods, you could try the Cabbage Soup, Fast Food, Slow Food, Raw Food, Lemonade, Banana, Cookie, Rice, or even the Fruit Flush Diet. I think I would like to try a 3-Hour combo and have some slow-cooked cabbage soup with rice, a banana cookie and a glass of lemonade, please. If I tire of those, I could follow a Macrobiotic, Probiotic, Apple Cider Vinegar, Olive Oil, or Coconut Oil diet.  Meat eaters would probably like a high protein Cave Man diet. Too much meat?  How about Vegan, Vegetarian, Flexitarian, Pescetarian, or Kangatarian?  Yes, I fear the Kangatarian diet is exactly as it sounds. It probably tastes like chicken.  If following doctor’s orders is more up your alley, you could check out the diets of Doctors Adkins, Hay, Weil, Scarsdale, Phil, or Oz.  Although cutie-pie type diets aren’t really my cup of tea, perhaps the P.I.N.K. diet may work for you, if you can get past the “K” standing for “Kardio”.  Too kute for words. I would more likely get into the Cheaters Diet, the Cinch Diet, or even the Hallelujah Diet, but have been on so many, I could perhaps develop one of my own.  I think The Minnesota Farm Woman’s Freeze Your Buns Off diet could become wildly successful.  You can eat absolutely anything you want whenever you want, as long as it is consumed standing on the front porch in a bikini. You would lose lots of weight and perhaps a few neighbors, too.  Eat, drink, and be merry this holiday season, and I’ll see the rest of my fellow dieters on New Year’s Day.

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