The Minnesota Farm Woman

My friend Suzanne is not the best cook and has set off the smoke alarm more often than she cares to admit. Wanting to impress a new beau she was dating, she squeezed a store-bought frozen lasagna into a baking pan, covered it with extra cheese, and passed it off as her own when he came over for dinner to meet her children for the first time. I know this fact to be true, because  I helped her by leaning on that frozen brick until it melted enough to smoosh into the pan.  It was kind of like fitting a square peg into a round hole, but lots of melted mozzarella cheese can cover up even the biggest of little white lies. That old deception came to my mind this week when the White House press secretary shared a picture of a chocolate pecan pie on social media, stating that she made it for her family’s Thanksgiving dinner. The internet trolls and bullies started in immediately, with faceless people insisting that she couldn’t have made that pie because the crust was just too perfect, and that since she “lies about everything else” that she must be lying about this, also. Some even threw in a little fat shaming while they were at it. They started hashtagging words like #PieGate, #conspiracy, or even #pielies. If you don’t know about hashtagging, it highlights your statements so everyone in the world of the internet and Twitter can see your words in all their glory. I’ll bet their mothers are mighty proud. Now, I don’t tweet or twitter nor do I like to get involved in political arguments with strangers and/or friends and/or relatives, but I just had to put in my two cent’s worth about pies, lies, and cooking during this season of peace, love, and Baby Jesus. STOP IT.  There. I said it in two words. Three,  if I add the word PLEASE. Even if you don’t agree with someone’s politics, religion, eating habits,  or what they consider to be homemade, you don’t have to voice your opinion, especially if it isn’t nice. Maybe she bought the pie. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe her crust always turns out soggy like mine does, and she buys the refrigerated kind and just makes the filling. Maybe she always makes perfect pies as a family tradition.  Maybe she just unthaws a whole pie and covers it with whipped cream to hide the freezer burn, orders her turkey from the local deli, and makes mashed potatoes from a box before bowing her head to give thanks. Keeping your eyes on your own plate and your piehole shut will help with this whole peace-on-earth-good-will-to-men thing that is supposed to happen this time of year. I will now step down off my box of refrigerated pie crusts and get on with the rest of my day, which will be spent binge-watching Hallmark Christmas movies and eating leftovers. Oh, I almost forgot to finish Suzanne’s story: Her youngest daughter spilled the beans before the dessert was even served that evening. Her husband still laughs about how she tried to impress him and how much he was flattered by it. Although they live far away, I will almost bet that the smoke alarm went off during their holiday dinner and that they bought their pies at the local grocery store. #peacebeginswithyou #loveoneanother #allpieisgoodpie