The Minnesota Farm Woman

Apparently, the world of television is looking for Norwegian-Americans to take part in a reality TV show. Contestants on “The Great Norway Adventure” will travel to Norway, meet their relatives, and compete in different challenges. One of the rules is that you must have Norwegian blood coursing through your veins, even if it is just a tiny bit. I have heard through my own family grapevine that our ancestors didn’t want to thin the Norse blood, so to speak, by marrying anyone that wasn’t Norwegian. My great-grandfather must have been quite the rebel, because he married someone that was Norwegian and Danish. Their son, my grandfather, married a Finn, so my blood has thinned to a little less than 25%, but my maiden name of Quaal is about as Norwegian as Norwegian names can get. I don’t plan on travelling to Minneapolis next week for the tryouts, however. It’s not that I am afraid of becoming the next Kardashian and I would love to meet my Norwegian relatives, but I’m just a little afraid at what reality TV considers a “challenge”. I grew up with plenty of Scandinavian traditional foods such as sursild (pickled herring), viili (stringy Finnish yogurt) and hardtack, so I am not afraid of ethnic foods, even if they are a little strange. You are probably thinking that I would turn up my nose at Norway’s beloved lutefisk, since I have written before about my dislike for this traditional seafood dish. I am telling you truthfully that I would happily eat a whole plate of baked lutefisk with boiled potatoes, butter, and cream sauce and even ask for seconds as long as I didn’t have to eat rakefisk, which sounds like lutefisk’s evil stepmother. Rakefisk is a salted raw fish, fermented in its own aromatic juices for at least three months and up to a year. It is then served as is, without cooking, probably to nobody but unsuspecting reality TV contestants vying for a $50,000 prize. I would think the smell alone would send me running in the opposite direction. I could probably be persuaded to nibble on a few reindeer ribs or eat a bowl of mutton stew, but absolutely, positively would not be interested in smalahov, which is a smoked lamb’s head. At least it is cooked and hopefully, less than a year old. I could hold my own with the Norwegian relatives when it came to lefse. Before I gave up eating carbs, it was one of my favorite foods. Since my mother was Swedish, (apparently, my father was a rebel like his father and grandfather before him) she didn’t make this delicious Norwegian flatbread from scratch, so I took lefse lessons a few years ago and even have my own griddle. How many reality TV stars would know what to do with a lefse stick? As I was looking up interesting facts about the land of my ancestors, I learned that even though they are stoic, hard-working churchgoers, Norwegians are also known to dress very casually and even wear their bathing suits while they are out shopping during the summer months. That’s when I knew I was out of the running for the TV show. No way, no how, no matter what. I would rather eat the rakefisk than be seen in public wearing a bathing suit. Pass the fermented fish, please. While you’re at it, pass the bottle of akevitt (aquavit) liquor. I don’t think I could have one without the other.

If you are interested in becoming the next reality TV star, the casting call will be at the Executive Center of the Mall of America on Sunday, November 8 from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Questions? O’Connor Casting Co. castingnorway@gmail.com Good luck!